Good day, old folks!
It’s been awhile since I wrote here and my english’s still as miserable as before. Around a year ago? Not improving so much?
So after a long time ago, I’ve realized that I had so many.. yeah, so many damn problems I can’t share the detail here nor solve it due to my tight schedule (Seriously. I’m not kidding). But still I just want you to know. God, how much I hate hormones inside of me! This unstable mood! Gah!!!
So… first world problem: Academic. Point. My future. I know I didn’t study that hard. I didn’t sleep and scheduled well like the others. My overtaken body by laziness. Still, why.. this close! :”( I’m okay with myself, but how about my parents? How many flaws should I let them see until the time I can (at least) repay them? Ah, somehow my pessimistic side’s just too strong against my optimist.
Secondly: Organization. I still don’t really understand why my luckiness’s overwhelmed when it’s about this matter. Every event’s committee. It’s seriously nice to ‘the hyperactive’ me, but.. somehow when my moods drop, or my body can’t catch up the hectic situation, I seriously wanted to disappear from all of this so-called fame.
Last but not least: Love life. Really? They might said “Do a person like her have some story?” Yeah, Do I turn out to be an interesting girl? Hahahaha! But it’s deeply damaging my calm side into the upside down being. Or am I sticking too much to my blackberry? I’d rather have a raspberry then.
Around October last year, my father bought me a new phone after the previous one (my precious white nokia)’s broken. And so the story begin..
Not right after the new phone I guess ._. My first ‘watcher’ (let us call him that because I don’t think like and love was suitable enough) shared his feeling to the whole world (Okay, it’s only around the campus, but still!) that he gave up on me because I didn’t ‘receive’ his signal. Gave up what?! Signal? *dizzy* To be honest, I’m not really into ‘signal’ much. He had girlfriend for God’s sake! And for your information, I’m not that interested with taken man. Period. So I hope he’ll be happy with his new girl right now. At least I like looking at happy people :DD
RIght after that, on 12.12.12 (Yep, that sacred date), the previous man’s friend *gulp* Let me phrase it.. Confess? Err… not really but still yes. But it’s not that.. the shocking news from my friends was he began to have a crush on …me (maybe) since the second semester. Holy wow! And my friends begin to tell me that I’ve friendzoned him. Damn, he’s just so close to me! Got a problem with that? So I push him off on 20.12.2012. But he said he won’t give up. Just see what’s gonna happen next then :DD I love to see a man protecting and fighting for me (like a fairytale ahahaha). Still, he’s my best friend tough and it’s unbelievable to hear him said something like that.
To summarize: The nice date doesn’t always lead to a nice event. And from now on I should be more aware of my friends’ kindness. But all of them are so kind!! What should I do?!
At the end of December another big person came. Let’s just say some seniors. 07? 08? 09? 10? Let’s guess along the story. Another kind person that I’m scared to fall for. Teaching me, hearing my whining, anything. Once again, I doubt someone’s kindness. Will I fall for him? Will he catch me right when I fall hard? Will it be okay if I choose the senior? Won’t they mocking me for being so childish? Am I even at his standard? My critical acclaimed fight against my feeling. I kept thinking and thinking. To not bothering him, so I decided not ever to contact him first. Will he be dying too? I know I’m so childish, I tease others so much, but if it’s for others’ sake, I can always be okay with that.
So I decided not to continue unless he’s the one who’ll catch and grab me. People said it’s man’s nature to run for their girls and it’s girl’s nature to wait for the best. I’m just so into the fairytale. My childish side just won’t match his perfection. Ah, here comes the pessimist dude. Sometimes I hope he sees this, but it’s just too embarrassing hahahaha Sometimes I wonder if he’s jealous of my close relationship to others even though I didn’t do it on purpose.
I’m sorry for being your timeline bitch. I’m sorry for making you so disappointed by my name when your love’s actually the one you’re waiting for. I’m sorry that I’m too flawless to all of you, but just for you to know, I Love you. All of you. :”)
Or should I make a choice now?