Playing God

Next time you point a finger… I’ll point you to the mirror.

Thanks to Paramore for the song.

Anyway, once again I haven’t written anything useful for a long time in here. Maybe this is another story I could tell you after some period.

According to the song, the girl is mad to the boy because he keeps ordering his girl, the same case goes to me. But I have (slightly) different story. So here I want to underlining the fact that I hate man’s ego. The man who gets mad very easily, or easy to give up on me, or anything similar.

I don’t want to emphasize the name but right now I have big doubt about him. And when the time keeps going like this, another person (that I didn’t suppose to like) came. God knows how much I hate this kind of situation.

Should I give up on man for the time being?

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Overload Feeling

Whoa! It’s been awhile since I wrote. I thought I can write everyday, telling some useless story and so on, but actually I came here after the problems start to pilling up again. First, my cellphone’s on its rebellion time. That’s why I often had a hard time connecting with people since I still have some responsibility here and there. I get busy by it. I get stressed by it too. It just won’t go smoothly in my mind.

Second, how should I say it? Life problems. It’s just too much bear. My friends love life, my own love life. It’s just too much to share. Why did I care too much actually? Argh! Now what should I do with my phone?! T___T

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Loving him was Red.

Howdy~

So nowadays I started to rearrange my mind to write something everyday. Because buying cute diaries is too mainstream, so I decided to do another mainstream thing which is writing on tumblr.

Aren’t we suppose to post something like pretty photoshopped picture here?

Anyway, it’s 15th of February. My holiday’s almost over, but actually I don’t have any interesting story to tell you since I spent my holiday in my house (much to my own pleasure and my parents wish).

What about love life?

*pfft* To be honest, I really like fluffy romance (blame my gender and zodiac!), but I don’t think it’s the best time to stay with the same ‘one’ person. I think it’s only my wishful thinking since he doesn’t really care though. For having someone loving me is more than enough. (｡◕‿◕｡)❤

Curious enough, hmm?

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You just learned a bit about me

Bold whats true about you

I am a cuddler.

I am a morning person.

I am an only child.

I am currently in my pajamas.

I am currently pregnant.

I am left handed.

l am right handed

I am ambidextrous

I am a little shy around the opposite gender.

I bite my nails.

I can be paranoid at times.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy smoothies.

I enjoy talking on the phone.

I have a car.

I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.

I have a hidden talent.

I have a pet.

I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl.

I have all my grandparents.

I have been to another country.

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.

I have or had broken a bone.

I have caller I.D. on my phone.

I have bathed someone.

I have changed a diaper.

I have changed a lot over the past year.

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

I have had major/minor surgery.

I have killed another person.

I have had my hair cut within the last week.

I have mood swings.

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I have rejected someone before.

I like the taste of blood.

I love Michael Jackson.

I love sleeping.

I love to shop.

I own 100 CDs or more.

I own and use a library card.

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I watch soap operas on a regular basis.

I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

I am wearing socks.

I am tired.

I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.

I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:

Finished college.

Smoked cigarettes.

Ridden every ride at an amusement park.

Collected something really stupid.

Gone to a concert.

Helped someone

Spun turn tables.

Watched four movies in one night.

Been broken up with.

Taken a college level course.

Been in a car accident.

Been in a tornado.

Watched someone die.

Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself.

Ran a marathon.

Your parents got divorced.

Cried yourself to sleep.

Spent over $200 in one day.

Cheated on someone.

Been cheated on.

Written a 10 page letter.

Had a best friend.

Lost someone you loved.

Skipped school.

Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do.

Stolen books from the library.

Been in a mental hospital.

Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.

Fired a gun.

Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Attempted suicide.

Written poetry.

Read more than 20 books a year.

Gone to Europe.

Loved someone you couldn’t have.

Used a colouring book over age 12.

Had surgery.

Had stitches.

Taken a taxi.tr

Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.

Had a hamster.

Dyed your hair.

Had something pierced.

Gotten straight A’s.

Been handcuffed.

My hair is naturally the color:

Light brown

Medium brown

Dark brown (with some yellow in it)

Blonde

Black

Dirty blonde

Strawberry blonde

Multicoloured

My eyes are:

Brown

Dark Brown

Blue

Green

Hazel

Light brown

A combination of things

Ice Blue

Grey

People sometimes label me as:

Slut

Girly

Ugly

Nerd

Other

Some of my biggest fears are:

Spiders/other insects

Slimy things

Dying

Doctor/Dentist appointments

Hospitals

Needles

Disease

Being alone in the dark

Heights

Small spaces

Oceans/large bodies of water

Holes

Large animals

Small animals

Open spaces

Lightning

Tornadoes

I have:

A friend with benefits

A laptop in my room

A television in my room

Good grades

My own car

Married parents

(Source: askaverybow, via mechanicwaltz)

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One Year of Summary

Good day, old folks!

It’s been awhile since I wrote here and my english’s still as miserable as before. Around a year ago? Not improving so much?

*Shrug*

So after a long time ago, I’ve realized that I had so many.. yeah, so many damn problems I can’t share the detail here nor solve it due to my tight schedule (Seriously. I’m not kidding). But still I just want you to know. God, how much I hate hormones inside of me! This unstable mood! Gah!!!

So… first world problem: Academic. Point. My future. I know I didn’t study that hard. I didn’t sleep and scheduled well like the others. My overtaken body by laziness. Still, why.. this close! :”( I’m okay with myself, but how about my parents? How many flaws should I let them see until the time I can (at least) repay them? Ah, somehow my pessimistic side’s just too strong against my optimist.

Secondly: Organization. I still don’t really understand why my luckiness’s overwhelmed when it’s about this matter. Every event’s committee. It’s seriously nice to ‘the hyperactive’ me, but.. somehow when my moods drop, or my body can’t catch up the hectic situation, I seriously wanted to disappear from all of this so-called fame.

Last but not least: Love life. Really? They might said “Do a person like her have some story?” Yeah, Do I turn out to be an interesting girl? Hahahaha! But it’s deeply damaging my calm side into the upside down being. Or am I sticking too much to my blackberry? I’d rather have a raspberry then.

Around October last year, my father bought me a new phone after the previous one (my precious white nokia)’s broken. And so the story begin..

Not right after the new phone I guess ._. My first ‘watcher’ (let us call him that because I don’t think like and love was suitable enough) shared his feeling to the whole world (Okay, it’s only around the campus, but still!) that he gave up on me because I didn’t ‘receive’ his signal. Gave up what?! Signal? *dizzy* To be honest, I’m not really into ‘signal’ much. He had girlfriend for God’s sake! And for your information, I’m not that interested with taken man. Period. So I hope he’ll be happy with his new girl right now. At least I like looking at happy people :DD

RIght after that, on 12.12.12 (Yep, that sacred date), the previous man’s friend *gulp* Let me phrase it.. Confess? Err… not really but still yes. But it’s not that.. the shocking news from my friends was he began to have a crush on …me (maybe) since the second semester. Holy wow! And my friends begin to tell me that I’ve friendzoned him. Damn, he’s just so close to me! Got a problem with that? So I push him off on 20.12.2012. But he said he won’t give up. Just see what’s gonna happen next then :DD I love to see a man protecting and fighting for me (like a fairytale ahahaha). Still, he’s my best friend tough and it’s unbelievable to hear him said something like that.

To summarize: The nice date doesn’t always lead to a nice event. And from now on I should be more aware of my friends’ kindness. But all of them are so kind!! What should I do?!

At the end of December another big person came. Let’s just say some seniors. 07? 08? 09? 10? Let’s guess along the story. Another kind person that I’m scared to fall for. Teaching me, hearing my whining, anything. Once again, I doubt someone’s kindness. Will I fall for him? Will he catch me right when I fall hard? Will it be okay if I choose the senior? Won’t they mocking me for being so childish? Am I even at his standard? My critical acclaimed fight against my feeling. I kept thinking and thinking. To not bothering him, so I decided not ever to contact him first. Will he be dying too? I know I’m so childish, I tease others so much, but if it’s for others’ sake, I can always be okay with that.

So I decided not to continue unless he’s the one who’ll catch and grab me. People said it’s man’s nature to run for their girls and it’s girl’s nature to wait for the best. I’m just so into the fairytale. My childish side just won’t match his perfection. Ah, here comes the pessimist dude. Sometimes I hope he sees this, but it’s just too embarrassing hahahaha Sometimes I wonder if he’s jealous of my close relationship to others even though I didn’t do it on purpose.

I’m sorry for being your timeline bitch. I’m sorry for making you so disappointed by my name when your love’s actually the one you’re waiting for. I’m sorry that I’m too flawless to all of you, but just for you to know, I Love you. All of you. :”)

Or should I make a choice now?

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